can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
