white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
