Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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