What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
