Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
