Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
