escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Randomize
