Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Randomize
