If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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