I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
