If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
