is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
