i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
