I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I am one with the molecules
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
