it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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