If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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