Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
This is classic penis vs brain.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
