She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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