ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
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