So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
