Your dad touched me again.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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