Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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