idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
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