i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
