I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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