Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
