the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
