i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I wish I could teleport
Swine flu. Run for my life!
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
You're earring is so big in my mouth
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
