Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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