oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
