There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
