Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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