so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
