They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
