Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Randomize
