YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
