hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
