Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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