how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
