atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
