So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Non-Jews are for practice
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
