Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
