When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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