Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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