you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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