Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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