apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
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