I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
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