Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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