my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
