did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
