i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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