I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Are we still banned from the library?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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