Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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